A year....?...That's a bit rude!

I should have written a post on here a few months ago, but never got around to it.  On Wednesday it will be one year.

I had a really vivid dream about Phil a couple of months ago, which made me Phil like I had just seen him for a few weeks to follow.

I was lying on my bed in Warragul and Phil came and was lying next to me, I had been feeling really encouraged in my walk with God and Phil was asking me questions about it.  He knew at that point (in my dream) that he was going to die (I think...) and he was asking me stuff about how he should be living and what he should do, and for some reason he thought he should ask me about it.....

Then next thing we were driving along in our old mitsubishi express van (Phil and I), it was night time.... Phil was driving.... now Phil never learnt to drive.  He got his Ls but had his brain stuff so wasn't allowed to drive.  So we are hooning along in the mitsubishi van and I'm saying...but Phil you can't drive!....... and he was like, yeah I learnt how to........anyway......some how we got stuck on some rail crossing (a random dream moment when the car shrank really small and got stuck between two sets of protective railings....so didn't get hit by the train but very close.....column shift manuals are always an adventure...particularly under pressure!... anyway when we managed to get across the crossing we pulled over to regain our composure and all these people hopped into the car - they thought we were some kind of taxi and it turned about they were planning on coming to our house for Christmas.....or some kind of celebration.

Anyway.  I don't know if that will make any sense to any of you.  But I woke up feeling like I had just seen him, I can still here his voice from the dream in my head.

I really miss Phil.  I thought that a year would seem like a long time, but it's not.  Phil's wallet is still in the same place on the bookshelf in his room. (Other things in the room have been changed but noone has got around to cleaning that shelf....), it's only one year.

At a birthday lunch the other day it came out that when Mum was pregnant with Melinda the doctor thought she might have been twins (only because of the position she in), but I'm rather disappointed that Phil never got to hear that... imagine the fat jokes he would have made.

Not sure what else to say, but I wrote a song a few years ago, and it is kinda random how some songs I've written almost get more relevant as my life progresses.....weird...anyway the chorus goes like this:

Time heals, or so they say
But it it wasn't for time there wouldn't be anything to heal
I wish I could go back to days of innocence long gone.

That's what I wish.

Kris x

Minigolf

 

We've always had a bit of a tradition on family holidays.  We arrive at whatever place we are staying, get settled, and within a couple of days we have found the local minigolf course, and have to go there atleast once during our stay.  You might be surprised just how many towns have a minigolf course. 

Phil always loved playing minigolf.  He was good at it too, and always competitive, while managing to have a great deal of fun!!  In the above instance, mum, dad, Phil and Jen were on holidays in Tasmania, and in usual style, had found somewhere to play minigolf.  Jen somehow managed to hit her ball into the water under the bridge, and left mum dad and Phil to fish it out while she took photos!

Last year Phil and I decided we would do a minigolfing tour of Australia.  Even after he had his stroke he still joked about it in his amazing positive way.  What a trooper :) 

Wish he was still here for more adventures. 

Melinda

Most mammoth post ever.....

Dear friends,

Im not really sure where to begin...but as I have been essay writing of late I feel like I need to give a bit of an outline of what this crazy long entry is going to contain........but not neccessarily in this order...

- 6 months!
- burying the ashes
- relay for life
- views on the blog

Life rolls on strangely....but everyday Phil is still not here.... which is weird.  I'm not sure if I've said this on the blog before, but, when Phil first died it wasn't heaps weird that we wasn't at home, cause he had been in hospital or he had been asleep in the front room, not really able to be a part of normal family life.  But as the days have gone by the memories of Phil being an active, noisy part of our family have grown less dim.   I miss him so much.

Last Monday, the one before East Monday it was 6 months since Phil died....I can't believe that is it that long and that short.  Someone (who knows who they are), asked me some very difficult but good questions..."How does it feel?" (being sixth months), honestly, everyday it feels like Phil died yesterday, some days are worse than others.  Phil dying never seems to be in my distant memory, it's right there, all the time.

The other question, which produced many tears was.....What is your fondest memory with Phil?  There are so many.  Phil always held my hand when we were walking down the street, I think it was because I was the older sister who didn't live at home or Phil, Mel and I (maybe Jenny too) all curled in bed on our family holiday last year. Phil telling fat jokes about Melinda.  Phil texting me cause he was annoyed with Mum for not knowing what colour toothbrush he owned!  Mel and I peppering poor Phil with banana Jellyfish at the beach.....

On Sunday (Easter Sunday) we buried Phil's ashes in the front garden.  Easter Sunday is an encouraging day to do something like that...  Dad and another friend both said to me, that they appreciate Jesus rising from the dead and the hope that gives us so much more than they did before Phil died.

That's the ashes....

The girls each read a passage from the Bible about the hope that we have because of the resurrection.  I put the ashes in the hole and Ben covered it over.  Dad prayed...and included a fat joke about Melinda in his prayer....

In true Guilford style..we ate an amazing lunch...Phil's pork recipe, and then this delicious cake...(thought you fellow foodies out there needed to see a picture)...it was like a chocolate sponge with chocolate ganache and raspberry goodness....then mum put it in a big cake tin and poured raspberry mousse over it... so delicious!!!!!

Relay for Life!

So a few weeks ago now...us kids plus the adopted siblings of the family.... Johnson, Tim, Dolly and a few more ring-ins participated in Relay for Life.   It was lots of fun, we walked around and around and around the velodrome in Warragul.... we had to carry a baton, we reckoned we had the coolest one there...Phil's prosthetic leg....

We had a great tent provided by the Martin's.... when we first got there I was a bit jealous cause our tent was closed and everyone had these open pagola type of things....but as the weather got colder and the dew fell, we were dry and warm...and were able to sleep between walks...very cosy....(as the night wore on we walked in pairs half an hour at a time)....plus the tent was orange...so it was very cool.

I think we raised about $1600 dollars!  So thankyou everyone for supporting us.  We had a lot of fun and it was a good way for us to be able to remember Phil together.   

Something random....

So once the numbers on this blog started to climb I decided that I wanted to get a picture of the number clicking over 33 333...and I did.... so here is the picture.... I waited quite a while to get this....

Right now Mum and Dad and Jenny are on holidays in Pt. Lonsdale.  I think Jenny is enjoying some quality time that she probably missed out on a bit while Phil was sick for so many years.  Melinda is currently in the middle of her first shift ever on the ward nursing, and I'm house sitting in Warragul on holidays. I'm not sure about the others but I know that Lovy and Sherryn both have holidays from uni this week.   

Well not sure what else I have to say, other than sorry that it has been so long between posts, and if you have managed to persevere to the bottom of this one I salute you.  

Kristen x

Relay for Life

Overnight on the weekend of the 13th and 14th of March all the Guilford siblings plus a few friends are doing the Relay for Life to raise money for the Cancer Council.  We thought this would be a great way to support an organisation who work hard to support people with cancer.

We would really appreciate any donation you are able to give us, big or small.
You can donate online at http://www.relayforlife.org.au/  Select Victoria, then scroll down until you get to Baw Baw Warragul, if you select that region you can find our team there-Team Phil.
If you can't donate online, you can give cash in person or send a cheque :)
Thankyou!

4 months??

I still miss Phil so much it hurts.  Alot of the time actually, though I don't know if people realise.  It's been 4 months, 1 week, and about 17 hours since Phil died, and sometimes I'm still not sure if I believe it.  It seems so unreal that someone who was so real and alive and loved life and people and God, and who I dearly love and spent nearly 18 years with, is just gone.  Not just as simple as here one day then gone the next.  Here one day and gone every single minute of every single day after that. 
melinda

Strange...

It's strange not having any new memories with and of Phil.  We used to get up to so many crazy things.  A lot of them were small things, but those are some of the most significant.  Phil trying to push me over when I stood on one leg (which I do surprisingly often).  Playing with the foil mum had put on the handle of a frying pan she was cooking in.  Discussing the latest great recipe find.  Playing board games with the family. 

I park my car beside out mandarin tree at home and it's got fruit on at the moment.  Phil's favourite thing to do at this time of year when we would drive somewhere, was to pick a few mandarins then throw them out the window of the car at random intervals whilst driving down the road.  I think we really scared a couple of drivers once or twice!
Melinda xx