Most mammoth post ever.....

Dear friends,

Im not really sure where to begin...but as I have been essay writing of late I feel like I need to give a bit of an outline of what this crazy long entry is going to contain........but not neccessarily in this order...

- 6 months!
- burying the ashes
- relay for life
- views on the blog

Life rolls on strangely....but everyday Phil is still not here.... which is weird.  I'm not sure if I've said this on the blog before, but, when Phil first died it wasn't heaps weird that we wasn't at home, cause he had been in hospital or he had been asleep in the front room, not really able to be a part of normal family life.  But as the days have gone by the memories of Phil being an active, noisy part of our family have grown less dim.   I miss him so much.

Last Monday, the one before East Monday it was 6 months since Phil died....I can't believe that is it that long and that short.  Someone (who knows who they are), asked me some very difficult but good questions..."How does it feel?" (being sixth months), honestly, everyday it feels like Phil died yesterday, some days are worse than others.  Phil dying never seems to be in my distant memory, it's right there, all the time.

The other question, which produced many tears was.....What is your fondest memory with Phil?  There are so many.  Phil always held my hand when we were walking down the street, I think it was because I was the older sister who didn't live at home or Phil, Mel and I (maybe Jenny too) all curled in bed on our family holiday last year. Phil telling fat jokes about Melinda.  Phil texting me cause he was annoyed with Mum for not knowing what colour toothbrush he owned!  Mel and I peppering poor Phil with banana Jellyfish at the beach.....

On Sunday (Easter Sunday) we buried Phil's ashes in the front garden.  Easter Sunday is an encouraging day to do something like that...  Dad and another friend both said to me, that they appreciate Jesus rising from the dead and the hope that gives us so much more than they did before Phil died.

That's the ashes....

The girls each read a passage from the Bible about the hope that we have because of the resurrection.  I put the ashes in the hole and Ben covered it over.  Dad prayed...and included a fat joke about Melinda in his prayer....

In true Guilford style..we ate an amazing lunch...Phil's pork recipe, and then this delicious cake...(thought you fellow foodies out there needed to see a picture)...it was like a chocolate sponge with chocolate ganache and raspberry goodness....then mum put it in a big cake tin and poured raspberry mousse over it... so delicious!!!!!

Relay for Life!

So a few weeks ago now...us kids plus the adopted siblings of the family.... Johnson, Tim, Dolly and a few more ring-ins participated in Relay for Life.   It was lots of fun, we walked around and around and around the velodrome in Warragul.... we had to carry a baton, we reckoned we had the coolest one there...Phil's prosthetic leg....

We had a great tent provided by the Martin's.... when we first got there I was a bit jealous cause our tent was closed and everyone had these open pagola type of things....but as the weather got colder and the dew fell, we were dry and warm...and were able to sleep between walks...very cosy....(as the night wore on we walked in pairs half an hour at a time)....plus the tent was orange...so it was very cool.

I think we raised about $1600 dollars!  So thankyou everyone for supporting us.  We had a lot of fun and it was a good way for us to be able to remember Phil together.   

Something random....

So once the numbers on this blog started to climb I decided that I wanted to get a picture of the number clicking over 33 333...and I did.... so here is the picture.... I waited quite a while to get this....

Right now Mum and Dad and Jenny are on holidays in Pt. Lonsdale.  I think Jenny is enjoying some quality time that she probably missed out on a bit while Phil was sick for so many years.  Melinda is currently in the middle of her first shift ever on the ward nursing, and I'm house sitting in Warragul on holidays. I'm not sure about the others but I know that Lovy and Sherryn both have holidays from uni this week.   

Well not sure what else I have to say, other than sorry that it has been so long between posts, and if you have managed to persevere to the bottom of this one I salute you.  

Kristen x

Relay for Life

Overnight on the weekend of the 13th and 14th of March all the Guilford siblings plus a few friends are doing the Relay for Life to raise money for the Cancer Council.  We thought this would be a great way to support an organisation who work hard to support people with cancer.

We would really appreciate any donation you are able to give us, big or small.
You can donate online at http://www.relayforlife.org.au/  Select Victoria, then scroll down until you get to Baw Baw Warragul, if you select that region you can find our team there-Team Phil.
If you can't donate online, you can give cash in person or send a cheque :)
Thankyou!

4 months??

I still miss Phil so much it hurts.  Alot of the time actually, though I don't know if people realise.  It's been 4 months, 1 week, and about 17 hours since Phil died, and sometimes I'm still not sure if I believe it.  It seems so unreal that someone who was so real and alive and loved life and people and God, and who I dearly love and spent nearly 18 years with, is just gone.  Not just as simple as here one day then gone the next.  Here one day and gone every single minute of every single day after that. 
melinda

Strange...

It's strange not having any new memories with and of Phil.  We used to get up to so many crazy things.  A lot of them were small things, but those are some of the most significant.  Phil trying to push me over when I stood on one leg (which I do surprisingly often).  Playing with the foil mum had put on the handle of a frying pan she was cooking in.  Discussing the latest great recipe find.  Playing board games with the family. 

I park my car beside out mandarin tree at home and it's got fruit on at the moment.  Phil's favourite thing to do at this time of year when we would drive somewhere, was to pick a few mandarins then throw them out the window of the car at random intervals whilst driving down the road.  I think we really scared a couple of drivers once or twice!
Melinda xx

Yesterday

Yesterday it was 3 months.  12 weeks exactly, it was even a Tuesday, which was the same day Phil died.  It's strange how quickly and slowly that time goes by.  He is very much missed.  When people talk about going and seeing Mel and Jen in Warragul it sounds so strange to me...cause they aren't going to see Phil as well any more.  Or when people ask how many siblings I have, I automatically say six...but if the questions get more detailed...like ages etc... I don't really know where to go next. Don't want to make some poor person feel really awkward or end up in tears during a simple ice breaker conversation. 

Mum and Dad are away till tomorrow having a holidays which is great.  I was away at coffee shop but haven't been well so have come home.  Mel and Jen have been manning the fort at home and are working summer jobs packing school books.

Kris x

Today last year....

Today, exactly one year ago, we went to the Carols rehearsal at the Myer Music Bowl.  I'm glad Mel took her camera, even though Phil was giving her a hard time about her size! (see photo 3).

....the goose is getting fat....

I caught up with a couple of different friends last week I hadn't seen since Phil died.  Both of them, who didn't personally know Phil, expressed in their own ways how sad they had been when they received word that Phil had died.  It was strangely very comforting to me to know that other people were sad too, like actually really sad.  Sad enough to go home from work.  I think it's hard to know what to do, people don't want to upset us, or make it seem that their pain is the same, but it was so nice to see someone else sad, (I think I had started to think I was making it up, or overreacting), because it is actually sad, whether someone knows Phil or not it is still sad that someone had to suffer like he did and that we don't have a little brother here with us anymore.

That aside, Christmas has practically arrived, our tree is up and some of the normal Christmas things are happening but the mood isn't quite the same.  Not sad as such, but not the busy, crazy, intense time that it usually is.  It's kinda like Christmas has taken a chill pill.

I made some photo books on my computer with pics of Phil for our family and they arrived in the mail yesterday so that's something nice.

Nothing else to say, other than the fact that a random hawaiian christmas carol that noone my age except me and my siblings would know is playing on the radio and Mel and I were singing along very loudly while writing this.

Love Kris

P.s. I finished the essay! Melinda is officially a nurse, starting work in Melb in April.  I'm doing a coffee shop (similiar to beach mission) at Wye River from after Christmas to start of January and then will be in QLD with Renay till start of college.  Everyone else will be having a bit of a quiet one.  Also...Jenny got an A in her grade 6 piano exam, an achievement!