Sunday, October 11, 2009

The strange thing....

When we started this blog in early February it was because we knew Phil was terminal.  Not that those words actually ever make sense to anyone.  It was interesting blogging on a number of levels....

a) Phil was known to read the blog...and I think he has even posted on it once.  In July after he came back from hospital after his stroke he read the blog, hopefully not the posts from mid-June when he nearly died, but we'll never know.

b) It's hard writing or talking about the fact that someone is going to die.  In fact I don't think we every actually wrote on the blog that he was.... Melinda and I cringed every time we typed it and then deleted it again.

The question of "How's Phil?" over this past year has been a tricky one....cause whatever the answer it was inside the parameters of someone who is dying (at a faster rate than the rest of us),  so "Yeah, Phil is really well at the moment.", didn't actually mean the same thing as "Yeah, Jenny was sick last week, but she's better now", but knowing whether the people who asked the question understood those parameters or not was an entirely different question all together. 

 c) Going with that, almost the same thing is the hope that people can read through out polite language to see what is actually going on that we aren't writing/talking about.....(which isn't always really a fair assumption)... I'll give you an example.....  In the blog this year, we never talked about Phil's treatment e.g. Chemo... that's because he wasn't treated.  Not this year.  He had a little bit of radiation at some point this year and an tablet chemo at some point but not to try to cure him.   He was being treated as that horrible word a "Palliative"patient.

According to the dictionary on my mac computer - Palliative is an adjective and means:  relieving pain or alleviating the problem without dealing with the underlying cause.   

Not intended to cure, but to keep comfortable. 

Not sure this post made much sense at all, but anyway, I should be sleeping.

Kris x


  1. Think that was something we all struggled to get our heads around, and it helped to not let go of the hope... Once something is said "out loud" it makes it so much more real (I think that's one of the reasons why we are called to Baptism - so we have the opportunity to 'say it out loud'; there is something very powerful in it). You have been so very brave in all you have written, and you kept alive the hope that healing was still possible til the end. Your faithfulness to Phil, your family, and to God has been a huge witness.
    Thank you, Kris.

  2. It's got me all teary again Kris. Your posts are so meaningful. Thank you for sharing, and what Cate has said above has summed up what I thought too but I'm not as good with words! Caroline